I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
