People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
