I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
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