Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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