I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
