is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
