Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
