okay pat passed out under dana's car
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
