i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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