Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
