Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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