I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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