Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
