Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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