you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
