he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
