i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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