I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
