is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
