One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
