can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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