well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
