i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
