Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
it glows. i had to have it.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
