cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
