if only i could text you this smell
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
