well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
