thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
