my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
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Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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