eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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