Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
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Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
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Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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