I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
dude i'm inner monologue high
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
