I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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