And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
