Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just cut my nipple shaving
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
