IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
