Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
as a side note pls kill me
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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