if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i can't believe i had my finger in that
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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