I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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