smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Panties = found
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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