I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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