i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I think I am morally bankrupt
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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