After last night, I could never be a politician.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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