was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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