I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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