If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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