he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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