Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he was CRYING into my vagina
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Randomize
