I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
