i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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