my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
