just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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