my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
