Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
