apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
