We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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