I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
