I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
