Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
