i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Randomize
