He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
from the living room?