How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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