Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
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I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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