I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
